I Am Ready

Dear Puddin',

As we wait to find out whether you are a sweet little girl or boy, I can't help but be thankful for the extra time we have had to find out your gender.

You see, I waited a super long time before I was ready for you.  I waited until I knew I could be the type of Mommy that you needed, that mine and Daddy's relationship was built on a strong foundation of love and commitment, and waited until there were no questions in my mind that I could live selflessly for you.  If there is one thing that I have learned on this journey to you, it's that letting go and allowing God's plan to shine through is a hard lesson to learn, but one that is worth every bit of stress, fear, or sadness.  There will never be a moment that He isn't working out something in our lives according to His plan, and sometimes we just have to open our hearts to what He is doing.

Of course, I still had my immature moments.  For many silly reasons, I always dreamed of having a little girl.  Reasons such as how fun it would be to decorate a "girly" nursery, or "how cute the clothes would be."  Perfectly normal thoughts, but not ones that really matter in the grand scheme of things. 

Then, at our gender ultrasound at 20 weeks, I was met with the realization that you just "may" be a little boy.  In my mind, the quickness in which our ultrasound tech determined your gender meant "it's a boy!" loud and clear.  And then I had to readjust my thinking.

I had to let go of my selfish dreams for a chandelier in the nursery, or pink tutus and hair bows.  I had to focus on what really mattered - that you, whoever you turned out to be, were perfect for us.  That God had picked you specifically for what our family needed, not our selfish desires.  So I focused on that for a few days.  I tried to picture you as a little boy, playing with your daddy and doing all the things little boys do.

I pictured myself as a cheering mom at a baseball field.  Then I pictured myself as a cheering mom at a cheerleading competition.  I pictured your Daddy wrestling with you in the pool.  I pictured your Daddy dancing with you at your wedding.

And then I fell in love.  I fell in love with YOU.  No matter who you are, what you are, or who you grow to be, I will love you.  God has continued to work on my heart, and has continued to point me to life's true meaning.

So on Saturday, when your Daddy and I find out whether you are a "he" or a "she," my heart will be open and ready for everything and anything that comes our way.  I will be ready for the dance classes, and I will be ready for the soccer field.  Thanks to God, I am ready.